Confession #1: I can't seem to make sugar cookies from scratch. I've tried multiple recipes now and have not been happy with the results, hence why I have sugar cookie dough just sitting in my freezer.
Confession #2: I think my cat Jasper was raised by dogs before he found me. He sits like a dog with his legs sprawled out behind him and he'd rather play fetch with bottle caps than just about anything. Seriously, I can't open a bottle of water without suddenly finding him nearby staring me down, his gaze darting between me and the bottle in my hand.
Confession #3: As some of you well know, I'm addicted to Diet Sundrop. So addicted, certain friends loaded their car down before they came to visit me when I was living in Florida. So addicted, I drove to Las Vegas and raided three grocery stores to get Diet Sundrop to take back to Salt Lake with me (granted that wasn't the only reason I was in Vegas but you better believe I used the trip to my advantage).
Confession #4: I started collecting snack plates a couple of years ago and probably have somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 or more plates, most with cups, in no less than 6 different patterns. Someone once asked me if I was getting then for a bridal shower or something because they usually only saw people looking for them if they needed them for an event or were catering an event. Nope! I just like them.
Confession #5: Now for the serious stuff, I have been struggling with anxiety over the last couple of years, I finally went on medication last September even though I'd known I probably needed something well before that. It is a possible side effect of Levetiracetam (my anti-seizure medicine) but I kept thinking it was something I could overcome on my own or that I would just get over it in time. I was always one that got nervous about things; like singing in front of people, giving a speech, riding a roller coaster. But it was usually something that I could handle, butterflies if you will, that once I started whatever was causing me to be nervous, I could just let go!But this was different. I had so many things I was worrying about that it became overwhelming, to the point that I felt paralyzed by fear and worry. I know people sometimes don't want to go on medications for a variety of reasons, but it's helped me tremendously.
Confession #6: I started having partial seizures again in December 2016. They are different post-surgery. Now, the right side of my face goes numb and tingly before the sensations moves down to my right hand. At first I thought maybe I'd gotten something out of whack after visiting the chiropractor, but when I went to Duke in January and described the sensations to my doctor she said they were seizures. So she upped by dosage of anti-seizure meds, which then preceded to cause a whole slew of new problems. Basically, I don't remember much of the first quarter of this year. I can tell you for certain that my Aunt's memorial service was on Saturday, March 4 and that my birthday was on Sunday, March 5. Otherwise, it's like everything blurs together. Now people have told me that's to be expected when you get older and in my mind I'm thinking "No you could probably tell me what you had for breakfast yesterday or what days you worked last week, I can't!" There might have been days that I was off from work that I didn't eat or drink anything, I just don't know.
When I went back to the doctor in April and described what had been going on. She put me on another prescription simply to counteract the side effects of the anti-seizure meds. My family doctor upped the dosage and prescribed an extended release version. However, it lowered the seizure threshold and I started having seizures again. One day it was bad enough that I had my Mom come and pick me up from work and drive me home because I didn't think I needed to drive in the condition I was in. I saw my doctor at Duke again early this month and my meds were changed again because of the seizures and the fact that I now could seem to sleep more than two hours at a time before waking up. Now I'm on an extended release version of the anti-seizure medication that I take only in the evening, in the hopes that the drowsiness side effect will work in my favor and help me sleep. What I've learned from all this is that sometimes, medications and the chosen doses are a crapshoot! I feel a bit like a guinea pig who's being experimented on. "Oh let's try this for awhile and see how it goes" "Let's add it this new drug, it's supposed to do this!" It's enough to make you crazy! Medicine is supposed to help, not make you feel worse with crazy side effects!
Confession #7: This is the one I don't even want to write about. As if putting it down and putting it out there will make it a reality. There was an 'anomaly' on my MRI this month. Basically, it was a spot that shouldn't have had anything that showed up lighter than the rest of my brain matter during the contrast images. It could possibly mean that Wilbur has a friend that is higher up and further into the left side of my brain, near the left ventricle. My doctor said she was just being paranoid, but she wants to see me in the middle of August for another MRI. If something shows up on the images then, it will change what happens going forward. And I really am not ready to talk about what that would entail. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers! I'm praying that it really is nothing and that Wilbur is doomed to be by himself for years!
Praying you get a good report in August!
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